Yeah you read right – What is you means? That’s what my dad says when he doesn’t get what the fuck someone is asking or saying to him (this is most of the time). The man has been in Australia for 30 years and he rocks to his own version of English. But I’ve stolen this line from him in reply to all the times someone comes along and just says some really smacked up incomprehensible shit. A sample:
‘Hey, you can speak English really well!’ – Why wouldn’t I you stupid fucks, I’ve lived in an English speaking country all my life. Even if I lived in the Chinese ghettos, we’d still need to know how to speak English to deal with the ‘outside’… how else would we be able to sell our pirated dvds.
‘Hey, I couldn’t tell you were Asian from speaking to you on the phone’– Why not? Couldn’t you hear my dad singing karaoke and my mum paying the pan pipes in the background?
‘Do you speak Asian at home?’ – I didn’t even know that one generic language existed amongst over 23 countries.
‘I was walking down Russell St and I wasn’t used to seeing so many Asians’ – Does this mean they had an allergic reaction to seeing all that shiny black hair? And my all time favourite….
‘Hey, you’re kind of nice looking…for an Asian’ – What the damn fuck is you means??
As a reader of my blog feel free to use this line whenever you encounter a talker of shit, and really try to fuck with them by saying it in a Bruce Lee sort of accent and do some kind of kung fu chopping thing with your hands. If you recognise me on the streets of Melbourne I’ll do you a demo.