There are people out there walking amongst us that like to say ‘never’. During conversations about clothes and fashion they say they’d ‘never’ wear sportswear that isn’t Nike, ‘never’ wear jeans that aren’t Sass & Bide, ‘never’ carry a no-label handbag, ‘never’ wear jewellery that’s less than 24 carat gold, ‘never’ buy lipstick from the pharmacy etc. During conversations about food they say they’d ‘never’ touch canned vegetables, ‘never’ buy fruit that’s not organic, ‘never’ touch dishes with more than 1 gram of fat, ‘never’ use sea salt to flavour food…it’s got to be rock salt (?) etc. What these people ‘never’ actually do is think about what the fuck they’re saying – what they NEED to do is use less time churning out the pretentious ‘nevers’ and searching for/snorting their rock salt (to me salts just salt – rock or sea, tastes the damn same). What they NEED to do is spend more time trying to find their way back down to mother fucking reality.
What is all this’ I’ll NEVER do this, buy that, wear this, eat that’? Life is volatile, fickle and one big uncontrollable game that you can’t predict. All the shit you own, the freedom you enjoy, the health you may have, the people you love, the ching ching money in your account, the stability and security is not unchanging, set, solid, forever, guaranteed. The one who is born with everything can die with nothing and vice versa. Where you stand now is not where you’ll be standing the day before your death or necessarily this time next week or tomorrow. The revered and admired can fall from grace and the ones that everyone looks down on now can rise above and blitz us all. There’s flood then draught, peace then war, empires have fallen then risen only to fall again. I grew up migrant style with a childhood during the 1980s that was quite unstable. In economic theory it’s called: Poor as Fuck. As an adult I’ve lived in an apartment across the road from the beach. As a child I’ve lived with my family upstairs of a run-down Fish & Chip shop. I sure as hell like to wear 24 carat gold, but if you gave me some bling earrings that were 9 carat, 1 carat or some cheap rusty metal, if I liked them I’d still fucking wear them (at least until my ears got septic) or … shock, I’m happy to not wear any at all.
So to the people who like to say ‘never’: shut the fuck up. Because one day you may damn well need to carry that no-label handbag (and god forbid put it over your head for shelter) or even get that cheap lipstick from the pharmacy – so you better be ready to not only wear it on your lips but eat it or use it for a party trick while you busk on the streets for coins. Snobby fools.
Empress Evelyn 
I never travel without my Louis Vuitton luggage.
I never fly anything less than business class.
I never stay in any hotel less than 5 stars.
well, that was until my modelling contract ended…
‘MOP AND BUCKET TO AISLE 3’
ooh, gotta go!
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Love you mista sista! But didn’t know you changed the name of your solo act to ‘mop & bucket’ – you kinky brutha u! – E xx
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‘mop and bucket’ is the second act in my one man show.
act 1, well that’s where the NEVER bit comes in…
but why am I telling you this?
you wrote the show!
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And you perform the show like a pro my well-trained monkey man – E xo
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BAHAHAHA! Couldn’t have said it better, myself!
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Oh boy, you’ve done it again Ev! My thoughts exactly. Some people are just fucking ridiculous with that label shit. I went to uni with a girl who would wear anything so long as it came from a “name” shop. Didn’t matter if it was unironed and looked like shit, at least it cost a bomb and had a big label written on it so everyone knew where she had got it. We went into Target once and she wouldn’t come in there with us. I lost my temper then and told her she was being beyond ridiculous. I often wonder where that girl is now. I’d like to think that if there was any justice in the world, she WOULD be mopping up in aisle three but I rather suspect she married someone with money and lived unhappily but luxuriously ever after.
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BTW very Buddhist sentiments in your latest offering … I wish people would realise that their days on this earth are finite and some things just aren’t worth worrying about.
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Totally Melbo – all that material shit being chased isn’t going to save anyone from that ultimate hole in the ground nor does it make you worth more as a person. Fuck I’m starting to sound like Oprah – E xx
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he…he..he this reminded me of an opportunistic parasite I knew. She is exactly the ‘NEVER’ this and that, thinking she is classy, worldly and definitely full of SHIT! Well! I made all her NEVERS look like EVERs!(ie EVER LOOKING GOOD, EVER FEELING GREAT). It’s not the brand but the person! I can carry a $20 bag and look like a million hee..hee…heee….you know what I mean xx
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Yes lady of the dragon – I do know what you mean. Who needs Adidas when you can wear AdiBas?! – E xx
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Love your posts and you speak your mind (got to love that) yes people should never ever say never…because me, you or them never knows what one might do
…anything IS possible
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Thanks webmistress – I wouldn’t be able to censor myself even if I tried – Ex
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Never order the solitary representative of a national cuisine on a pub menu. Once I ordered a Thai red curry at a pub and I swear it came with doritos. Doritos.
Otherwise I agree with you.
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Paddy are you sure this was at a pub in Australia and not while you were in jail in Tijuana? 😉
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Oh no, the Thai cuisine in El Carcel Tijuana is quite good, but not as good as the Thai food in the Bangkok Hilton.
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One must be able to identify oneself beyond that of an advertising brand label tag logo trademark symbol sign.
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we all should just focus on what we can do and leave the never-will-do behind…way behind. I certainly am not to go for anything as you stated nothing is guranteed.
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