When I started this blog I decided my ‘target audience’ should be the segment in society called: humans. That’s right, I really don’t give a fuck who wants to come and read this shit. You might be a millionaire reading with time to kill between stacking bills or you’re living a more casual cash-in hand lifestyle low on coin reading while sucking man stick for crazy crack and a biscuit. Whatever and whoever, just like with your local Community Legal Centre or the unmarked van with the blacked out windows parked in the laneway, Empress Evelyn welcomes all.
But some of you out there are some real Mayor of Freaky Town type mother fuckers. WordPress gives me a daily listing of the terms the peeps using the net have ‘searched’ for through search engines before somehow ending up at me, my picture, my posts etc whether meaning to or not. Brothers and Sisters, what the fuck?:
– ‘Tijuana Hooker’: That’s really offensive. I’m Chinese, not Mexican.
– ‘Cock Sucking Whores’: That’s really offensive. Who said I ever asked to be paid.
– ‘Chinese Person Waving’: Indeed, it’s me ‘waving away’ the money being paid.
– ‘Pheasant Puppets’: ?? Do I even mention this on my page anywhere? Interestingly, this search was made on the same day as the next one below, hopefully they’re not meant to be … ‘connected’ …
– ‘Anus’: I thought the picture I had up was of my face. Is it that bad?
– ‘Busty Asian’: Debatable. But it’s all relative. I reckon I could easily score a gig at Hooters – Shanghai branch only though.
– ‘Busty Fucks’, ‘Fuck Anus Women’ and ‘Fuck Bitch Friction’: I think I know what you’re after. I can arrange this.
– ‘Bush Pigs’: I think you’re after something like the above. But with fat hairy people. I can arrange this.
– ‘Armpits’: Why would you search for one kind of body part? With all the friction from the hardcore anus and bitch fucking going on, this must be some kind of ‘back up’ spot. Man that’s nasty people, you all gots no shame.
– ‘Large Rusty Sign’: Yes, if any part of your body is getting largely rusty, it’s a sign to ease up on all that back up armpit fucking …
Sorry if all your items weren’t on my site as promised by your search engines. Empress Ev hopes you eventually hit on what you were seeking for. And also that your credit card payments weren’t rejected. And also that your wife didn’t walk in while your pants were undone – as you squatted over your keyboard … So now you all know, it’s rock hard cock work trying to maintain a respectable fucking blog without getting some odd traffic from questionable searches for no damn big black double ended dildo horny Asian twins easy and ready kind of reason at all.
Empress Evelyn 
Ha ha Boop you sure have a way with words!! Love it!!
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Thanks boopy, now I have to try and master rapping in time to Tupac karaoke style, tho I think I did alright that nite at your place with ‘California Love’?! – E xx
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thats crazy?! WTF? seriously WTF are people googling these days?! man there are whole subcultures out there of true weirdness.. loved your latest.. had me in stitches as always xoxox haha
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Mozzie damn straight man! People nowadays are fucked up freaky. Why can’t they just watch dvd porn with the blinds shut like the rest of us? – E xxxoo
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It was a pretty straightforward search process for me… Entered “Crack Whore+cheesy chips” into google and BAMM – 1st position – there you were. Easy!
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Sometimes the system works Kev! And don’t worry – all those ‘pheasant puppet’ searches were redirected back to your youtube channel. So Kinky Kev, hope the puppets aren’t made out of itchy wool – E xxo
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Ha ha ha! Those are a riot, but sad too. I wrote an article a couple months ago about the display of boobs around here, bulls on the road, and burkas in my head. OMG the constant bizarre hits: Burka girls boobs, boobs on bulls, boobs under burkas, big boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs. Just as I thought, the world is obsessed with boobs! So I guess those hits don’t really count as people who give a shit about reading your blog.
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Deb I’m frightened. Those search terms reek of fantasies related to defiling virgins and bestiality etc. And I’m worried about what’s going to happen now that I’ve used the word ‘bestiality’ – E xxx
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– ‘Busty Asian’: Debatable. But it’s all relative. I reckon I could easily score a gig at Hooters – Shanghai branch only though.
You sell yourself too short. You might have a chance in the Taipei branch.
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Tried it but they banned me cos I’m Chinese. Damn politics getting in the way of my Hooters glory – E xx
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There’s my new list of facebook status updates for the week.
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Use the Empress Ev brand at your own risk bro! It could end up being a case of disgrace by association – E xx
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… and those search terms were just from the people who know you personally.
Fucking depraved but hilarious – I’m going to have to go and change my Tena lady now.
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‘Fuck Bitch Friction’ had you written all over it Melbo – stop searching for footage of that tea party we had at your place. I told you I’d just give you the disc – E xo
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Great blog! My elementary school teacher told me to practice my reading. She suggested I start with your blog.
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Thanks scarred pimp! I find terms I use often like ‘get fucked’ are a great way to improve literacy. You keep on listening to what your elementary school teacher says, that’s the best way to graduate before you turn 43 – E xx (Quick lesson: ‘E’ is the letter that comes before ‘F’, which is the first letter of the term ‘Fuck Off’ – your learning is my joy)
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I stumbled across this blog whilst doing a search for jewellery from Titfannys… Just thought I’d let you know..
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Well it is a close match to ‘Jewellery for Stiffannys’ so that’s understandable. Don’t worry Lil’V, we’ll find you the right bling for that region! – E xo
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sorry, should clarify my above comment – I was actually looking for ‘replica jewellery from Tiffany’s’… 😉
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Is that before or after you looked for Adibas sneakers to go with your Louis Vong-Tong handbag?
Ps: Dad’s car boot opens for trading from 11am daily.
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yeah yeah yeah…
It’s all good and well for these so called ‘sad fucks’ in search of a bit of kink who then end up on your blog.
It’s all good and well to have a laugh at their expense …ha ha ha
I paid $50 USD for a one week subscription, access all areas, little did I know that the whole blog is pure filth!
You gonna give my money back bitch?
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I would, but after where you asked me to put it along with those pheasant puppets, I’m going to need some Vaseline and a really long chopstick – E xxx
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you talkin’ ’bout the money Willis?
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Thanks for the laugh mate! Really needed it!
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All the time is laugh time here Trevstar! And usually at my expense. But it’s all worth it in the end – E xxx
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As I am now 46, I won’t be graduating at 43. My elementary school teacher told me that home learning would improve my literacy. I looked at houses for months and got nowhere. Maybe you could write abou the education system?
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Good thing you weren’t told to ‘go find yourself’ then. Could have been real damage, though see above post for some internet sites that might help if u choose to do so – E
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good molly Empressevelyn
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Good Molly!!
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