For those who’ve been with me since last year you’d have noticed an absence – you see I’ve been on a hiatus, up in the mountains, living in a bamboo hut, playing the pan pipes, milking goats, milking monks, milking myself, snorting fertiliser and dancing for the crops. Some of this is true (everything to do with milking) but most of it’s bullshit as I’ve been nowhere near the mountains. Just away from the blog. 
I wasn’t away finding myself – who needs to with the availability of cheap liquor, free flowing prescriptions and loyalty reward points at the local pharmacy (handy hint: don’t be picky with expiry dates – it’s not just liquor that gets better with age). It’s not the first time I’ve been absent for a prolonged period and it most likely won’t be the last (The Empress can be a scathing bitch but she never makes promises she can’t keep). But really, as the great distinguished scholars and philosophers in history have posed: Does it really even fucking matter? I write when I can. You read when you want – that’s our dance, that’s how we play it, roll it, give it, take it. That’s blog action, that’s human interaction – all of us removed and individual but intercepting sporadically in those moments when something brings us back to the same point – to either intertwine with or grossly repel one other – we’ll only really know which one when that time comes and it won’t be the same outcome every time.
So here we are right now at that same point as I break the seal I’ve had on this blog for the 1st post of 2011. Yippeee! Go fetch that shady prescription for uppers from Dr Woo Wang Wong and partaaay with me! Relax I’m not advocating abusing this or that or anything illicit, I’m just advocating thinking for yourself about what’s right for you as I’ve done for me. If you have beef with that then speak to my agent (which is me and I’m just going to tell you to fuck off). But I do want to thank the fine people of the blog’s readership for continuing to tune in during my unexplained absence (possibly to re-read some older posts looking for the point – good luck with that) and for enquiring about my long awaited ‘come-back’ (which should occur not long after my even more long awaited ‘come-down’). So I think I should try to make a point now:
When you’re back from being far away, when you’ve been off – off-line, off the phone, off all the guest lists for those get-togethers, off in that space in your mind not open for business to serve anyone else – you always know who the good people are when you return: the people who are strong in the knowledge of who they themselves are and therefore know it’s not always about them when you don’t materialise for a very long time. And those times do come people – you all know this and I’m sure you’ve all been there. Say the un-sayable and say, ‘here are the greatest secrets that nobody knows’ but only if you want to share. Share because you want to reveal but not because you feel you owe or are indebted or feel forced to appease and make that well worn and overused criticism of ‘not making the effort’ go away. ‘The effort’ is in people being able to look outside of themselves to respect that others handle themselves in their own way, in their own time.
You don’t need to see who takes the chance to fuck your boyfriend/girlfriend to know who’s real – just be inaccessible for awhile and see how your world reacts – watch the needy ego-centric scum rise to the surface crying for an explanation before you’ve even had a chance to adjust your eyes to the light. Those who command my respect don’t demand a justification. Those who demand a justification might want to ask why they need to have their balls licked as an apology for me not sucking them whole when I wasn’t in a place to be fucked with the gag.
If looking at the above pic makes you concerned, don’t worry – the cat’s ok, that’s premium beer he’s on. Only the best for my pussy.
Empress Evelyn 
Sooooo… What I got from this is… you’re back and people were harassing you for something that you give for free, and they should chillax. And you’ve driven your cat to drink.
Welcome back your imperial Evness.
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Yo yo, P.Aaddy, the vibe’s kind of like this: how much I dial a friend’s number doesn’t equate with how much they mean to me. Or when you haven’t seen a mate for weeks but when you hook up it’s like you haven’t stopped chillin’, laughin’ or connectin’ since the last time –that’s true friendship – no need to explain shit to each other. Yeah the cat’s on the piss hardcore – it relaxes him and that way he won’t struggle when we ease him into the dim sum dumpling steamer … oh poor pussy…
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This is why “cat’s piss” is not a term to be bandied about lightly. At that strength, it really will peel paint.
By the way, mall dogs steam better than cats and there isn’t nearly as much yowling.
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Melbo, when my little meow meow’s onto the Chinese rice wine, that toxic spray will melt your face off.
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LOL, you’re crazy, I love it!
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… and that’s while I’m medicated … – Exx
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Empress, damn good to hear from you. Not going to say welcome back yet because you might need some more time…it’s all you babe. I think we’re just relieved you’re OK, and yeah some of us envious douchebags need to read about your adventures for our own selfish reasons. Don’t ask.
I see you hissin’ and spittin’ in fine form though, thank god for that.
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It’s good to be back Deb! As Dorothy said, ‘there’s no place like home to be an abrasive sarcastic erratic little bitch’. Thrilled to have you share in the neurosis – plenty to go around – you definitely count as a VIP guest – E xx
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E, it is always a pleasure to be able to be a part of your continuing adventures – they are what they are and I feel “lucky” to be included as they happen. Happy New Year to you and your drunken pussy.
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Hey Special K, the luck is all mine – lucky that u read me, lucky that widespread judgmental condemnation is insufficient to shut down this blog. Welcome back to my sacred space for good friends and head fucking – from me, my drunken pussy, and my cat – Exx
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What can you say. Some friends are like a good sitcom. You don’t see them for months, even many years and then u run into them and all the good memories and good laughs come flooding back. You know each other where u come from and it fits into a groove. With some people its quality not quantity.
Then u get different types of friends like ‘Lost’ who u know are a bit more needy and require more attention. Which can be a bit hard if ur not in the mood..
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U speak truth K – with some peeps u get no quality, just court intervention worthy quantities. With ‘Lost’, ‘I’m a victim’, ‘Poor me’ and ‘I suck dick to get respect, who don’t it work’ they hound u so they can talk about their fave topic – the centre of the solar system itself – their own poor broke asses. And given their preoccupation with themselves, they essentially don’t know anything about u so there is no sharing of souls, connectivity of minds or mutual respect which characterises friendship.
Real harsh Ev – I hear some thinkin’ – fair call, but what I write and say doesn’t come from a place of bitterness, it comes from an inner centre called ‘the fucking truth’ and other than a gun and snapping knees to incapacitate, the truth (as the saying goes) will set you free (to run fast as fuck away).
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Dear Empress E,
Regarding the type of people you mention in your last paragraph: I always think to myself, people like that, well they can go suck their own balls… or go suck their own dicks… you get my drift…
As for going M.I.A, well… welcome back. I hope all is ok. Whenever I do that I just tell people imma hittin’ the shit on the reg for a while… ‘cos no-one actually knows what it means so they just assume you’re hitting the A-class drugs for a while…
There are all sorts of ways to fuck back with people’s minds ma dear.
Much love xx
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Hey V girl, hittin’ the shit on the reg’ is your right & u own it good. Let the peeps think it’s you relieving your constipation or whatever – those who got your back respect u need your space to chase the dragon in peace – E x
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Evelicious, normally I try to come up with a witty comment in response to your pearls of wisdom but after reading your latest you’ve touched me (up). After 15 odd years I find myself back in high school and I’m on the outer of the ‘cool group’. So I’m taking your advice and making myself inaccessible for a while to see what happens. (I normally would have said impenetrable and let you fill in the gaps… but alas, I’ve changed my ways…) So dear, I thank you and your pussy with its yeasty beer. And I’ll let you know how it all goes
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Thanks for your special edition comment Mista Sista. Pls report your findings once you re-emerge. Some friendships simply go rancid. It’s a delusion that everyone that’s ever been significant to you stays relevant forever. Some people go funny when you start to achieve more or reveal depth of character that isn’t ‘convenient’ or ‘comfortable’ for them. It’s a hard thing to swallow (like that plastic dido we found in my work cabinet when …. sorry fell into our old habits). The ‘cool group’ may ultimately just be the damaged goods in the bargain basement bin going for cheap – no wonder u don’t fit in with them anymore my precious man-gina brother – E xxx
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Ahhh Pokes. It’s so fuckin cliche but there can be freedom in love, and love in freedom. We’re indoctrinated to categorise each other and put each other in boxes. A good friend equals one who shows face, puts you before themselves and let’s you know about it! =) No love lost in a friendship that is beyond that shit though.
Perhaps it is when we get disconnected to ourselves though that we get so fuckin needy of those around us… and project our shit on them as if it is their fault that we feel lonely cos we can’t amuse/love ourselves enough. I’ve certainly been there at times in the past, so not on my high horse here!
I tend to think all of these responses to you come from a good place… you just fill that gap (so to speak) in a lot of people it seems…. Hmmmm!
Love ya guts Pokes xoxoxo
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Pokes you come & in giving your comment you’ve slit open a bit of yourself to give some of yourself. And to me, you’ve given a different perspective & I’m challenged to also look outside myself to consider all sides of every story. Your words come not from your high horse but from a high state of consciousness and self awareness – the best high there is – E xxx
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Alot of people ahve been away from their blogs, medicate if you will, but not to much we would’nt wont u to forget who u are, where your at or this blog *hiccup* Being detached from things is not always good unless its caused you a problem other than that we do miss u where your not blogging, but life does go on.
we are here when u come back to the blogging world…as u noticed alot of people have been on hiatus
perhaps blogging has hit rock bottom *shrugs* yours is a good read so i would’nt know what else to say other than save me a glass (or two or three) of cheap drink and some pizza
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