Short and Sweet (and sour)

When I was 10 I was tall-ish compared to other kids in my class.  But the joy was short-lived.  What I didn’t know was that I’d actually reached my full height and pretty much peaked right then. I was destined to remain the size of a pygmy nomad and wear what should be shorts in my adult life as full-length pants.  I’m exaggerating, I’m a bit over 5 foot and small build – true it’s partly a genetic thing with being Chinese, after all I tower over many of my older relatives (even more now as they’re  shrinking with age).  I should be pleased over the economic advantages of being able to make a second pair of pants, a cape and some curtains with the leftover material after I have the excess cut off a new pair of pants.  But I live in Australia and not Asia so most of the time I’m speaking to people’s armpits and crotches (those guys over 6 foot ), or I’m pushed and squashed against these body parts on the peak hour train.  Nobody wants to lean against a crotch they hardly know…unless they’ve had a drink first…I’m joking…no I’m not.

Anyway this whole short thing came up because some girls from work were talking about weight and calories (yes – a rare topic amongst women I know) and I made the point that if it’s not weight they’re stressing over, it’ll be something else – crooked teeth, big nostrils, hairy back etc.  I have none of these things (I got the back waxed) but I am known to bitch about being a short-ass and have a tendency to wear high heels most days – not for the fashion but for the height.  Everybody’s got that one thing (at least) that gives them the shits.  For all those that have ‘fat days’ etc just keep in mind that at least people don’t feel so readily free to remark on your ‘sore spot’ like they do with the shorties.  Many people who I know or have even just met don’t think twice about dropping a line like, ‘Hey, you’re really short compared to me’ or ‘I feel really tall next to you’ and then they do this laugh to themselves that becomes awkward once they see I aint laughing with them.  Imagine if I said back to them, ‘Hey, you’re a real fat and ugly fuck compared to me’ or ‘I feel really not like a hippo that’s 56 months preggers next to you’.  I would never say that or even think that about another person as I like to find personality defects to insult instead, but while it’s not a big deal – the same comments are still a negative remark about someone’s looks, it’s just not considered insulting enough to avoid saying I suppose.  Anyway gotta go now to find some yellow pages to sit on while driving…