Short and Sweet (and sour)

When I was 10 I was tall-ish compared to other kids in my class.  But the joy was short-lived.  What I didn’t know was that I’d actually reached my full height and pretty much peaked right then. I was destined to remain the size of a pygmy nomad and wear what should be shorts in my adult life as full-length pants.  I’m exaggerating, I’m a bit over 5 foot and small build – true it’s partly a genetic thing with being Chinese, after all I tower over many of my older relatives (even more now as they’re  shrinking with age).  I should be pleased over the economic advantages of being able to make a second pair of pants, a cape and some curtains with the leftover material after I have the excess cut off a new pair of pants.  But I live in Australia and not Asia so most of the time I’m speaking to people’s armpits and crotches (those guys over 6 foot ), or I’m pushed and squashed against these body parts on the peak hour train.  Nobody wants to lean against a crotch they hardly know…unless they’ve had a drink first…I’m joking…no I’m not.

Anyway this whole short thing came up because some girls from work were talking about weight and calories (yes – a rare topic amongst women I know) and I made the point that if it’s not weight they’re stressing over, it’ll be something else – crooked teeth, big nostrils, hairy back etc.  I have none of these things (I got the back waxed) but I am known to bitch about being a short-ass and have a tendency to wear high heels most days – not for the fashion but for the height.  Everybody’s got that one thing (at least) that gives them the shits.  For all those that have ‘fat days’ etc just keep in mind that at least people don’t feel so readily free to remark on your ‘sore spot’ like they do with the shorties.  Many people who I know or have even just met don’t think twice about dropping a line like, ‘Hey, you’re really short compared to me’ or ‘I feel really tall next to you’ and then they do this laugh to themselves that becomes awkward once they see I aint laughing with them.  Imagine if I said back to them, ‘Hey, you’re a real fat and ugly fuck compared to me’ or ‘I feel really not like a hippo that’s 56 months preggers next to you’.  I would never say that or even think that about another person as I like to find personality defects to insult instead, but while it’s not a big deal – the same comments are still a negative remark about someone’s looks, it’s just not considered insulting enough to avoid saying I suppose.  Anyway gotta go now to find some yellow pages to sit on while driving…


  1. cool thoughts thanks for sharing a little about yourself, so growing chinese in australia that sounds ackward, yet exciting at the same time. Being semi-short myself I wear heels for high as well


    • hey webmistress, am digging the hip-hop news on your site – yeah growing up asian in aust has been crazy strange at times. You shld hear me talk – last time I was in the USA everyone on the streets started freaking out about the chinese girl with the full-on aussie accent! xx


  2. I am guessing you are young, meaning 20-something. I am old, meaning 40-something. I am boring in that domestic, have to be home each night or my kids might get upset,gradually getting a bit thick around the middle –kind of way. We have nothing in common, yet….. I really like your writing. It’s refreshing, honest, real. I suggest the next time someone makes an insensitive remark in your direction, you simply fart and smile.


  3. your blog is cool, you seem to speak whats on your mind and have no reservations about it…keep a positive mind frame at all times, do what you feel and to all the haters, flip them the bird!


  4. Just remember there are many many tall females out there who envy you for your petite-ness…anyway you may be short but you are a dynamite xxx


  5. Tall ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. And one day when you realise that all the kids on the tram are now taller than you anyway. There is always someone who can go one better. I always wanted to be tiny so that I could be Mary in the nativity play. Isn’t that tragic?


  6. I have a close mate who is about 7 foot tall who gets things from the opposite direction. I actually warn people before they meet him, something like- “the first thing you’ll notice about XXX is that he’s tall. He already knows this. You don’t need to tell him.” I do this because I’ve seen the storm clouds gather accross his sunny countenance whenever someone says, slack-jawed, “gee, you’re tall” on first encounter. He usually responds with “Oh, really? Is that why my shoes are so far away! I never noticed! Thank you!” with a generous amount of sarcasm.

    I like to avoid conflict. It’s my role as a middle sized person.


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