Bubble tea is everywhere man, any city that has international students will be lined with shops that sell bubble tea. Hey chill – I think international students are a good thing, they really pump up and enhance the economy as consumers, especially through shops selling Hello Kitty socks, hair-dressing salons using industrial bleach for that naturally blonde Asian look and buffet style bakeries (tongs and tray?) that make combos like fish-fingers in green-tea muffins. Also, it’s fun watching international students mounting each other and doing the human pyramid thing as they pose for group photos making the double peace sign. Hey chill – check back onto my picture under the ‘All about EVElyn’ section and observe, I can go there as these are my crew. Back onto the bubble tea: it’s super freaky. I really want to appreciate what is essentially a zany combination of rubbery solid and tangy liquid united as one. How can anyone resist trying a drinkable product that comes in flavours like ‘yam’ – I mean it’s a liquid but flavoured like a fucking potato. Za-ny!
But it’s not for me – it’s just too freaking awkward to drink. They give you a massive straw like a sewer pipe but the product causes conflict in the throat with each mouthful: to expand for the liquid or to constrict for the solid? Get this rhythm wrong once and you’ll find yourself channelling Daisy the cow having to regurgitate back up any sago solids that need to be chewed or re-chewed. Maybe for me bubble tea is like spicy chicken anus with cabbage– there are just some delicacies that my cousins like consuming that I’ll never get the hang of, but the bottom line is that I simply don’t like the feeling of choking on a mouthful of balls. Remember: if it’s going to make you gag don’t put it in your mouth – don’t say you don’t learn any lessons from the wisdom of EmpressEvelyn x