Bubble Trouble

Bubble tea is everywhere man, any city that has international students will be lined with shops that sell bubble tea.  Hey chill  – I think international students are a good thing, they really pump up and enhance the economy as consumers, especially through shops selling Hello Kitty socks, hair-dressing salons using industrial bleach for that naturally blonde Asian look and buffet style bakeries (tongs and tray?) that make combos like fish-fingers in green-tea muffins.  Also, it’s fun watching international students mounting each other and doing the human pyramid thing as they pose for group photos making the double peace sign.  Hey chill – check back onto my picture under the ‘All about EVElyn’ section and observe, I can go there as these are my crew.  Back onto the bubble tea: it’s super freaky. I really want to appreciate what is essentially a zany combination of rubbery solid and tangy liquid united as one.  How can anyone resist trying a drinkable product that comes in flavours like ‘yam’ – I mean it’s a liquid but flavoured like a fucking potato. Za-ny!

But it’s not for me – it’s just too freaking awkward to drink.  They give you a massive straw like a sewer pipe but the product causes conflict in the throat with each mouthful: to expand for the liquid or to constrict for the solid?  Get this rhythm wrong once and you’ll find yourself channelling Daisy the cow having to regurgitate back up any sago solids that need to be chewed or re-chewed.  Maybe for me bubble tea is like spicy chicken anus with cabbage– there are just some delicacies that my cousins like consuming that I’ll never get the hang of, but the bottom line is that I simply don’t like the feeling of choking on a mouthful of balls.  Remember: if it’s going to make you gag don’t put it in your mouth – don’t say you don’t learn any lessons from the wisdom of EmpressEvelyn x


  1. Oh, bubble teeeeeeeeaaaa … I am an afficionado as you know (and I don’t have a drop of Asian blood in me, more’s the pity). I have actual cravings for it. The only drawback is that you sometimes inhale one of those pearls and can’t stop coughing the rest of the afternoon.


  2. eeeyeewww!! those funny balls in those drinks look like oversized pimples. I hate sago coz they look like frog eggs


  3. I can’t wait until some first year uni student figures out how to inhale bubble tea and shoot the bubbles out their nose like a peashooter… it will happen… and then bubble tea will die…


  4. I happen to like bubble tea. I became addicted when I went to Hong Kong and then discovered them a couple years later in Melbourne in the early 90s. Its a fad that’s hanging around to cater to my odd pearl bubble cravings, yay for chemical enhanced tea!


  5. Hey I like bubble tea…passionfruit green tea! and yes I avoid the pearls..coz i suck em straight in!

    guess who?


    • Hey coco-nutty, to identify you on the street I’ll look out for someone holding a fluorescent green drink while choking on balls….and also those pearls in the bubble tea 😉 – E xxx


  6. My chinese friends, thought that it was unusual that i had never tried bubble tea. So i found it unusual that there’s a chinese person who dislikes the stuff, but then again i am a NIgerian that despises Super malt.


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