Female Friction

No it’s not the name of my latest porno movie release (as I’m still in the process of shooting the ping pong scenes – joking, Female Friction isn’t an actual movie … that I know of but I’m sure some pervert out there will Google it just in case).  Female Friction is what happens when you come across an irrationally threatened insecure bitch of a bush pig female who hates you simply for no other reason than because you are another female.  Empirical data that I have obtained from conducting controlled studies (talking to heaps of my chick friends over cocktails and straight vodka – no ice) tells me that this happens everywhere – from the office hag who hates the new girl because she’s seen as a rival for male attention at work to the random chick on the street who hisses at you because she thinks you’re going to leer at and thus try to woo her boyfriend (presumably the poor mutha-fucker who’s walking next to her).   

I don’t get it – I thought we were meant to be on the same side, what exactly do these types of women think that other women are going to take from them? Ironically as I grew up my father warned me about the ill intent of males: ‘Don’t let any boys touch your front bum’ he would wisely advise as I ventured out into the real world.  Well fuck that – it’s not my fucking ‘front bum’ I’ve had to worry about but more my back from being stabbed by malicious women who just don’t get that a basic adult responsibility is to try and sort out their own shit before flinging it out onto others.

In the same ways that sickness makes me grateful for health and hunger makes me grateful for food; the bitter crack-whores out there make me sincerely grateful for the many strong and self-assured females that do in fact exist amongst us all.  I bumped into a guy I knew from University at a party not long ago and we were having this chat about old times, what we’d done after graduation etc, and then out of nowhere some chick appears, storms over, glares at me and drags the poor fucker away but not before hissing ‘We have to go, you cannot talk to her anymore’.  Oh no!  This irrelevant male has a girlfriend!  He’s not allowed to talk to me anymore!  My Give-a-Fuck Factor: – 23.  Her Paranoid-Skanky-Hooker Factor: 97.8.

22 thoughts

  1. Yeah, that story is extreme! Take it as a compliment. You are obviously a Class 1 Threat! And she, for some reason, is very frightened. And if we could get to the bottom of why she’s SO frightened of losing her man (it is as if she would be invalidated without him) then we might make another major step towards true equality of the sexes.
    I humbly submit that all too often, women are their own worst enemy. Not saying that men are desperately striving to smash the patriachy or anything, but women, as far as I can see are often the enforcers of some of the oppressive cultural norms against women.
    I could go on, but I suspect that I’m already in some trouble.

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  2. so, if you google ‘female friction’
    you get the following:

    Suction Line Strainers
    Choose from our comprehensive line of Suction Line Strainers and other Pumps – Metering Accessories products.

    1)yes – i am that pervert
    2)kinda fitting, don’t ya think?

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  3. So my response was going to be a simple ‘doughy’. But then I thought about getting a rise out of the dough by kneading it.

    Of course, it’s been ascertained that your mere existence is a threat. Plus, we know – because there’s a not-so-secret club called ‘Evelyn Is A Man-Stealing Whore’ – that your ulterior motive is to lure unsuspecting men away. Every word you utter is a siren call. Your glance is a medusa stare.

    On the flip side of the discussion, I sadly have a childhood friend who does in fact epitomise the implied accusations that get thrown at you. She vies for the male attention at a serial level. I’ve watched in the sidelines in bemusement as she destroys relationships she’s had with friends and even supposedly some of her best friends. And the whole thing is plainly not about the men. It’s about her relationship with other women. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is not about her being a competitive bitch but rather about her trying to fill some void within, in a most self-destructive manner.

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    1. … I can add more: every time I laugh it’s a mating call, every time I bend forward it’s to present for mating like a panda, every time I scratch myself it’s to release musky pheromones. Yo TV this is fun, let’s keep on playing next time we meet for drinks – E x

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  4. So right ev, I tell ya what, if there ever existed a glass ceiling, women created it! How is it so many women have such low self esteem that they have to bitch on their sisters.

    Its such a refreshing and rare thing to see a woman confident enough in her own self and abilities to support those around her to get along. Maybe the bitches watching their boyfriends look somewhere else need to look at themselves first, either that or the stupid man lookin elsewhere!
    Well written ev, loved it!!

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    1. And when their man’s being sleazy, the blame’s put on the target female not the boyfriend himself. So bytches: stop shooting the innocent bystanders and get your men neutered – E xox

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  5. lmao your too damn real and funny, now to be honest the title does sound like it would be in your local dirtybook store.
    Your probably right perverts are googling that asap…smh

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  6. Exactly what have I ever done to be treated like that! Once, I was at a women’s clothing store and was waiting to be served by the blonde haired woman. She ignored me and served the next blonde lady. I was so furious I walked out. There is no way I am buying anything from that store, who employs such racist staff. It also happened in another clothing store and I made the b@tchy sales assistant get me a whole bunch of clothes for the change room, made a mess and then told her I didn’t like any of the dresses and walked out. What the f#@k?!! Go get a real job!! Maybe if you had a better attitude you might get somewhere in life!

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  7. Hi Empressevelyn,

    I see this post is a few months old, but forgive me, I just discovered you.

    Women hate me! I have had very few female friends in my life. I’m sorry I don’t weigh 300 lbs or resemble Jabba the Hutt! I’m no boyfriend stealer, especially not at this point in my life! There are a couple women in my town who hate me simply because their boyfriends talked to me at a party. Jesus, whaddya want me to do, be rude? I try hard to make friends. Is it because I don’t have kids and I’m not interested in peoples’ babies?

    I comment on women’s blogs almost every day and only one or two has bothered to respond. I don’t get it.

    Love your posts!
    Take care,
    Debra

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    1. Welcome Debra, to both the site & the sisterhood! You make a great point – just because a woman isn’t maternal or chooses to be single doesn’t make her a slut on the prowl. So many women are bullshit on legs. My close friend is having a hard time with one of these species at work & she’s even considered leaving her job cos of it. It shits me that female friction isn’t overtly discussed more – in the workplace it constitutes as actual bullying. If anyone doesn’t agree – put it out there. I’ll give you a file’s worth full of case studies.

      Another close friend of mine told me the furry heffer sluts at work turned nice on her after word got out that she was pregnant – as then she was supposedly no longer ‘competition’ for all those delicious (bald & creepy) men at work anymore… ?

      Sadly, some women will always see others as the enemy because these others have something scary & threatening – a vagina.

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  8. Thanks and it is so cool to meet you!

    Maybe women have ambivalent feelings about reporting cases of female friction because they think it lowers the status of women as a sex. An annoying thing that some women say is “don’t mess with me during my period or I’ll kill ya!” I just shake my head at that shit, like OK if that’s true shut up about it, will you? Because it gives ammunition to men who say women shouldn’t be given positions of power because they go crazy once a month. So it’s a fine line we walk when we find our sweet undeserving selves in the middle of a shit-storm with a full-fledged bitch.

    You’re right about it happening in the workplace—bullying is bullying and nobody should have to face it every day. What would you do?

    That doesn’t surprise me that your friend’s office mates would get mushy about her pregnancy. And yeah, there’s nothing more threatening than imagined rival snatch.

    One more thought—when they trace forced-prostitution rings, etc., it’s often a woman at the top of the hierarchy. Brutal bitches.

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