The first time I said it was here: https://empressevelyn.wordpress.com/2010/06/30/not-recommended/
Now I’m back to say it again but this time I come with statistics:
– 98.3% of what I do is strictly Not Recommended
– 100% is the certainty that I’ll keep on doing what I do
Ignore the cops – especially when the target is you: When I drive I roll to a selection of loud, hard & mighty tunes. Even when most of my front bumper had come off after an unfortunate incident with a parked truck, I still hammed up the jams for the rest of the drive home – in fact the sound of half the bumper scraping against the road’s gravel merely added to the car’s solo nightclub atmosphere. With a thumping baseline my thing is to step on the brakes to the rhythm of the underlying beat. My music of choice is of the hood, and often life rapped about the hood details how it can be … filled with no good (please take appreciative note of what I did here – it’s called freestylin’). So one night when I heard police sirens screeching closely behind me I should have pulled over. But I took it as a clever sound effect incorporated into track #4 of the current CD playing. I became suspicious when blue & red flashing lights were seen in my rear view mirror. A bit more when the high beaming started. Yet clearly not suspicious enough cos I kept on driving … for quite awhile. So the story ended with a fine and demerit points for speeding, and something about failing to stop. Looking back I can kind of see that this all happened because I might have been speeding and when followed – had possibly failed to stop. At least I’m not one to argue with the law (this time). Because I was remorseful and humble. And because the cop didn’t meet the level of hotness to qualify for anything on Empress Ev’s menu of sexual favours … joking people … bad boys bad boys … watcha gonna do …
Grope a friend’s butt when you’re unsure if it’s their butt: I’m a gambler. To require complete certainty before being willing to take action is for the broke-ass & mediocre portion of the population. So when I walked up behind and sighted the target butt waiting to cross the usual set of lights towards the work building – I visually scanned the similarities and mentally calculated the differences against the rules of probability. While resembling the same shape & density, the butt was encased in a hideous pair of trousers uncharacteristic of anyone I’m associated with to be publically showcasing. But times have been economically tough, so perhaps they had to source some work pants from a stranger’s clothes line on this occasion. In my mind’s eye I saw a set of scales and the side telling me to reach out and take hold was the one tipping over. My grip is hard and my nails are long. But what the scales say, I do. Some people can really overreact and not be understanding of when mistaken identity occurs. Just keep this in mind. My crew and I are tight and butt groping is how we greet and surprise each other from behind. Who knew this practice was uncommon and unappreciated amongst some groups, especially amongst distant colleagues in serious jobs. Yes, believe it or not I actually have a serious job.
Empress Evelyn 
For the record Pokes… if you ever see me on the street, you’re more than welcome to grab, slap, mount, wedge or ride my arse.
Geez strangers can be so uptight these days!xx
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Giddy up Pokie-Ching, our reunion on the streets is going to be one banging butt tapping mash up. No shame in our game – E xxx
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Remind me never to point my derriere in your direction… unless it’s to aim a fart at you 😛
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Remind me to back away when I see your skank ass coming – E x
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Ha ha Evelyn! Have you ever groped anyone with their pants around their knees though…we have a lot of that here and though it does increase accessibility, it’s not very appetizing.
I think the next natural question would be…what do you do for your serious job? Inquiring minds wants to know.
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Deb I’m excited: ‘Pants around knees’, I knew u Americans were friendly but sounds like you live in bare ass central or it’s a non-stop office xmas party in your hood. Am booking a ticket online now. I’ll email you separately about my real life 😉
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Hindsight (no pun intended) is always 20-20 and you nailed it in one when you mentioned the “hideous pair of trousers uncharacteristic of anyone I’m associated with to be publically showcasing.” – you have to listen to your inner self more – somewhere it told you that it was wrong to grab ass – yet still you grabbed! – lesson learned?…I think not!
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I live on the edge Big K & nothing can stop me except a water tight restraining order – E xx
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You gotta show me the remorseful look!
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… you saw it after those huge drinks on Thurs nite when I realised I still had to catch the Dande train back to my parents’ place xx
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How do you grope a homie wearing their pants low, with the arse of their pants closer to their knees?
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I have a body like a gymnast. I’m flexible. I can do it x
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I have the body of a much younger man….. and he wants it back, but I’m not done with it yet
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I know thats right girfriend never ever sit still or settle in one area of visual interests for to long. Traveling si oen of the most wonderful things to do in the entire damn world.
If i had the money to see it all then certainly would travel every day of my life untill i covered the corners of the world. seeing the different ways, interests, slang, racial issues, attitudes is soemthing to savory.
…and the think there are some people who have never been out of their city or stay in their lives…smh what ashame. I say do it go where others have not yet been or only dream of.
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Web M – Word girl – u said it all right there. So hurry up and build that Media Empire of yours so you can embark on a massive world tour to promote the hell out of it! E xxx
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only IF u do the same, you’ve taken the blogging world by storm, your attitude, idea’s and over offerinsg to the blog world are unique and real to say the least…i tell u all the time, u speak from the heart and you speak your mind. One of the coolest bloggers out there no doubt thanks for being supportive and interesting.
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WebMissy you’re making me blush. Hey I recall in one of your older comments you said something about how you’re not focussed so much on where you’ve been, instead you’re looking forward to where you’re going. Will always remember that, now that’s real talk – E xx
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