Live And Not Learn

Nobody wants to be a stupid mofo.  We all want to think that we can handle our shit and process what’s right and wrong – but the mind is tricky, ego can be a bitch and hectic emotions usually fuck up our good judgement and blur the line between what we should and shouldn’t put up with.  This isn’t just what happens when you smoke cheap easy street crack, this is just what happens:

You have the ongoing friend who always finds the bad in your good situation.  You get a promotion and they keep on highlighting the extra stress, you get a hot new dress and they make out it looks like a shapeless caftan, you get a new guy and they claim to suspect he’s an ex prisoner on the run etc.  Everybody has or has had one – the bullshit friend, the bootleg version of someone you should trust but they’re as fake, cheap and nasty as that canned soya bean cube shit the Chinese grocery shops try to pass off as duck meat.  And each time their mouths shoot the shit out, you cringe because you know it’s not true honesty but poison resentment.  But their number’s still stored in your phone.  Why?  Because you feel there’s too much history between you, the way out is not easy, the social ecosystem of your friendship network risks collapse if this tie is severed.     

Another Example: You have the relationship that has you questioning why you chose him – as in, why the fuck you chose him over a colourful sturdy vibrator instead (boys, this is from the female perspective, but if you can still relate then great – no judgement).  Yes, relationships take work and you need to compromise.  But when you put up with someone who is always possessive, jealous, neglectful, abusive, needy, hypocritical, lazy, hopeless, immature, cheating, threatened by your strength and independence etc then you ain’t doing what’s called ‘compromise’, you’re doing what’s called ‘selling out’.  But you stay with this person even though they’re the human version of a pack of instant noodles with that shady sachet of MSG flavouring – no inherent nutritional value but it’s convenient and you’re willing to keep on having it simply because … it’s there.      

We all do it – see black and white in our mind’s eye but rationalise the bullshit away with our other body parts to why certain situations or people are allowed to continuously cross ‘the line’.  Those close to me say my line is pretty damn solid and uncross-able, maybe too uncross-able and I cut people out too easily and quickly.  But I’ve had my fair share of Live And Not Learn and I suppose I’ve made the call on the above situations that I’m done.  There’s no shame in being burnt.  And then burnt again and another 400 fucking times over until finally getting it.  But at one point you just have to get it – that the other person in the ‘relationship’ or ‘friendship’ is fucked up, pointless and just not worth it.  Some say, ‘But you never know when you might need them’ and ‘But they’ll always be there for me when I have nobody’.  I say, Live And Learn – as though the devil is the one who will save you from hell.

13 thoughts

  1. “Another Example: You have the relationship that has you questioning why you chose him – as in, why the fuck you chose him over a colourful sturdy vibrator instead (boys, this is from the female perspective, but if you can still relate then great – no judgement)”

    Evelyn you have the most colourful way with words from any girl i have ever met.

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  2. that’s life…you’ll live but you may take a long time or forever to learn. Better than never learnt, however late it is. Sad to admit but we are surrounded by those types who think we only exist when they need us and making their so called mates look bad so they look good. Remember the Game Called Circle? That’s the answer.

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  3. Spot on E! Oh I could comment so much on your blog but I’ll limit myself to a few words…I think as you get older, you do get wiser to asshole/bitch ways and sometimes you can’t get rid of dead weights fast enough…so you just gotta keep them at arms length until you can cut that cord! And of course celebrate when you do..!

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  4. Other people and their shit … it’s always a problem. Teflon your brain with Zoloft and all their crap will slide right off it. I’m going back on mine as we speak.

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  5. I once wrote to some high school friends to tell them that I was moving on… I do NOT recommend doing that!! It wasn’t even because of any animosity. It was because I felt so different to them, like we had drifted apart… Looking back, I feel terrible about the way I let those friendships go and miss them too as we had some great high school years. But it is true though that sometimes we hang onto people purely because we feel we have to and it may better just to let them go. But with those friends who treat us badly, they are just not worth it. We wouldn’t let strangers treat us like and no friends of ours should be allowed to carry on like that.

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    1. You acted true to how you felt Greentea, that’s brave and no shame there – memories can be tricky by distorting the past, making the good times with some people seem better than they were. If it were all good, you wouldn’t have felt compelled to write the letter(s) you did – E xx

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  6. Well, putting my Dr Phil male pattern baldness hat on here, Why not just put it to them that their comments are poisonous and you find it hurtful? Worst case scenario, you lose a friend not worth having anyway, best case scenario, they shape up and grow up, and you get a better friend out of it.

    And there you have it. And now for the token hillbilly folksiness; look’y here, that there dawg just won’t hunt, ornerier than a racoon in a sack ‘o’ rattlesnakes, buy my book etc.

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    1. Hey thanks for visiting Dr Phil – but I think this kind of immediate dramatic ‘hit the nail on the head’ open confrontation happens more in Desperate Housewives and The Bold and the Beautiful. Relationships and Friendships in real life are embedded in emotional history and power struggles over time that make this kind of questioning difficult for some – which is fair. Sometimes you don’t want to admit that someone you’re close to is negative so the resentment can brew for years – such is also the case within families and why psychologists and counsellors exist. Tho myself would do what you say and just fuck off the shit people.

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