Not Recommended

Here‘s some shit that I’ve done but I’m telling you now – it’s just Not Recommended:

Take expired medication.  Unlike with some brands of cereal and cookies, the expiry date on prescription medication is actually stricter than the ‘best before’ standard of quality of some other consumable products.  I know this because I took some expired sleeping tablets during my first night in a share house in London.  I woke up in the morning wearing a sparkly silver cardigan that was not mine.  I also have vague recollections of negligently using the lavatory in the middle of the night with the door wide open – no big deal you may say?  Well at the time I was wearing neither any pants nor that sparkly silver cardigan.  However, all this would have been a good way to break the ice with the new housemates.  

Fix a pair of sunglasses with a toothpick.  The right side of my sunglasses fell off.  I’m Chinese.  Chinese people have access to commercial quantities of toothpicks.  We could build the 4th fucking little piggy house with them if we wanted to.  I took one, broke an end off and used it as a ‘screw’ to re-attach the handle.  Why – Because I thought I could.  Outcome – I couldn’t.  I was driving, then I was pumping out heavy bass hip hop tunes from my car speakers, then I was beating my head to my tunes, then I was feeling gangsta, then I was suddenly blinded by sunlight but only on one side of my face, then I was seeing a toothpick piece down my top, then I was seeing a broken handle of plastic on my lap, then I was seeing a damn fool in the reflection of the rear view mirror…

Eat potato chips in bed.  I did this while reading with the lights on.  And then it was bed time so I lay down in the dark, but while doing so my hand brushed against a stray potato chip.  It had fallen out of the packet onto my mattress.  So not wanting to waste it, I popped the tasty chip into my mouth and started to chew.  It was not a fallen potato chip.  It was a dead moth. The reasonable person would understand how easily such an error was made.  Both a chip and a dead moth are flat, crispy and flaky – however would you believe that both these things actually taste exceptionally different?

Take the Mexi-Coach to Tijuana alone.  This was no venga bus people.  Perhaps I got on at the wrong time because the other passengers heading over the border with me from the USA didn’t look like they were heading  into Mexico for donkey Piñatas, giant Sombreros or a mini Ukulele.  They looked like (and overtly announced) that they were heading over to appropriate and purchase heavy duty quantities of prescription medicines  … yet nobody seemed to have a prescription…  Funnily enough there is a linkage with this last paragraph and the first – see if you can work it out.

22 thoughts

    1. Um yeh lucky to return without being kidnapped and pimped out – that’s what the peeps on the mexi-coach ride back said. Tho I found the locals there really cool and some spoke mandarin to me … too bad I don’t understand it – E x

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  1. HILARIOUS!
    Q. At what point did you realise it was a moth you were munching on? And did you eat it regardless?

    Here’s one for you, the sink your everyday bathroom is the perfect height to take a piss, more comfortably so than the toilet. Comfortable as it may be,I do NOT RECOMMEND taking a piss in the sink. You never know who will walk in…
    And as for the ladies, well… you’d have some real explaining to do!!!

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    1. Melbo & Mista Sista – yes I kept on chewin’ that insect and let it pass through the digestive process. The Chinese come from a history of poverty – we don’t like to waste.

      And Mista Sista – I haven’t tried the sink thing tho I’m sure you’re the one who’s more familiar with squatting over questionable openings … oh my … your presence on my blog always makes me go where I shouldn’t – E xx

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  2. this is the one time I will thank a mobile phone service. Thank you for giving me access to net this morning on the train! What a funny way to start the morning. Had to hold back laughs while reading your post. Thanks for tips! Far more entertaining and useful than the online paper I usually read! xo

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  3. I am subscribed to your blog, so check up on it periodically. Today, I decided to do so while working. However, laughing loudly in my cubicle as I avoid work on a Friday is frowned upon.
    The moth/potato chip debacle was hilarious!

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  4. wow @ the imitation moth poatoe chip got me girl i would’ve never wanted to eat a chip again. Now when it comes to expired meds i’ve never done that i`m so scared of some unknown side effect or something.
    TJ is a fun never caught one of those blue n whites buses over i always walk across then hop in a cab to the main area

    revoluccion ave!

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    1. Yo yo webmistress, hope you’ve been good girl. Wonder how long it’ll take me to walk into Mexico from Melbourne? 🙂 And you stay away from those expired meds sista or you might end up with more than a dead moth in your mouth – E xx

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      1. Been good we have missed you lovely lady, its always a pleasure going back n forth on each others blogs. Guess when summertime hit many bloggers actually get back to the basics…which are living a normal life offline lol
        I’ll be checking here looking for new posts from you, keep going it like you doing, hope to hear from you soon.

        enjoy the rest of your summer

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        1. Yeah am missing tag teaming with u too WebMissy! Been caught up overseas up your way in the Americas. Was in NYC and now Toronto – both cities have been hot, sweaty and good! – Exx

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  5. I get to see some action from you Evelyn, my birthday was a few months ago and Christmas is afew months away but either way i am not complaining 😉

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